As a narcissist, you may be passive aggressive in order to gain your own way. And lo and behold! They may be controlling of their partners time, money, and even their thoughts and feelings. Female narcissists, on the other hand, deceive and gaslight their partners, typically without remorse. As an Amazon Associate, we earn from qualifying purchases. However, some common behaviors that may be exhibited by a female narcissist include a sense of entitlement, a need for constant attention and admiration, manipulation, and a lack of empathy. Just be warned she may ignore your boundaries and do as she wishes. A narcissist woman is someone who is excessively self-involved and obsessed with her own physical appearance and public image. Its possible theyll become enraged if you dont respond or reject their advances. A femalenarcissist often appears unstable. The I language reduces defensiveness, aggressiveness, and rage. Her previous work as a journalist and researcher can be used to provide both accurate and understandable information to abuse survivors. It is a common ploy of narcissistic women to play a victim. This type of personality disorder is characterized by an exaggerated need for attention She thinks everyone is jealous of her. A domineering and controlling parent is a sign that the child is narcissistic. WebNarcissistic personality disorder involves a pattern of self-centered, arrogant thinking and behavior, a lack of empathy and consideration for other people, and an excessive need They are actively expressing their own self-hate to others in their lives. WebHere are 7 ways to spot a female narcissist: 1. The female narcissist pits her friends against each other. A feud erupts on "The Bachelor" after one woman steals Zach Shallcross away for a kiss moments before he takes another woman for a One-on-One date. They will frequently give you gifts or compliment you on a behavior known as love bombing. State Sen. Richard Briggs, R-Knoxville, is a medical doctor who supports this effort, arguing that physicians must be allowed to keep their professional Everything turns into a competition, and the casual game nights on Friday dont end up being the most fun experience ever. They can: People with narcissistic personality disorder may not want to think that anything could be wrong, so they usually don't seek treatment. Deceived - you will quickly learn the precise meaning of this word. Make the best of her time with you as much as possible. Through their natural fakeness, you will hear so many sweet words. 3, 4 A covert narcissist may For a relationship to be worth it," for example, there needs to be a ratio of 3:1. But never make a negative or amusing comment at this womans expense on social media. Men may statistically be more apt to be narcissists, but women can be just as talented at wielding Transforming Empathy Into Compassion: Why It Matters, How Siblings Contribute to "The Good Life", What "Poker Face" Gets Wrong About Lie Detection, Find a therapist who understands narcissism. 4.3 Narcissistic women are jealous. https://www.merckmanuals.com/professional/psychiatric-disorders/personality-disorders/narcissistic-personality-disorder-npd. Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a type of mental illness that is commonly diagnosed. They appear to be overly envious and competitive, as well as superficial and overbearing, in order to play the victim. This content does not have an Arabic version. Jacob says he was, and still is, his wifes verbal punching bag and is the only person in her life treated as such. You may lose your sense of purpose when a narcissist tries to take center stage. Aaron, 45, considers himself lucky after divorcing his narcissistic ex-wife. The Nurse Practitioner. 12. include protected health information. Female narcissists tend to have a group of admirers, such as exes that stay in the picture or even admirers who tend to lurk in the background. Their behavior is typical of victims who are overly jealous and competitive, superficial and overbearing, and needy. A woman who survived a narcissistic husband who used to stand naked in front of a mirror and demonstrate how perfect his body was claims to have suffered from depression. You may ask her to respect your feelings, time, money, or material things, but she will find a way to thwart your boundaries and make you feel bad about setting them. If you want to make a narcissist miss you and beg for your attention, then become less available than usual. Genetics and other factors also may play a role in the development of narcissistic personality disorder. Accessed Sept. 9, 2022. Your email address will not be published. 1. Malignant narcissists are unable to put their actions in the shoes of others, so they are incapable of expressing their remorse for their actions. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Dont Accept Responsibility 5. Behave in an arrogant way, brag a lot and come across as conceited. Female narcissists put a heavy focus on their physical appearance, and often overestimate their attractiveness and display or flaunt their physical attributes. Preoccupied with fantasies about beauty, brilliance, success, and power. The femalenarcissist loves to talk about herself. She has a strong ability to first glorify, then devalue and dump her victims without thinking twice. WebNarcissists tend to use a variety of tactics to end a relationship with a woman. Your adoration turns on a female narcissist., When a female narcissist has her hooks firmly on you and she has got you dancing to her tune, it will keep her happy for a while. A single copy of these materials may be reprinted for noncommercial personal use only. Martyrdom The female narcissist can typically be seen as the martyr or the virtuous victim. An individual can exhibit narcissistic traits but not be diagnosed as narcissistic. I wish you all peace and strength. Regardless of age, men consistently scored higher than women in narcissistic traits (Grijalva et al, 2015). WebThere are two main NPD types: Grandiose (overt) narcissism and vulnerable (covert) narcissism. If you want to turn on a female narcissist, try complimenting her looks, accomplishments, or possessions. What they view as insults to self-esteem may make it difficult to accept and follow through with treatment. WebHave an inability or unwillingness to recognize the needs and feelings of others. Grandiose narcissism is what most people may think of as narcissism. You fall head over heels in love with her. You feel compelled to follow them as they are being so helpful to you. 9 Different Ways to Manifest: Manifestation Techniques That Really Work, Scripting Manifestation Methods: The Law of Attraction Made Easy for You. Learning how to interact with a narcissistic relationship is critical. There is always a point of dissatisfaction, as if they are unhappy or upset without much of a middle ground, and others see them as unstable. A healthy relationship should consist of two people taking equal responsibility for the cultivation of the partnership. Caligor E, et al. Copyright 2020 mentalhealthmatters-cofe.org. Say Im Sorry You Feel that way. 6. It will be a rough ride, according to Forrest Talley, PhD, clinical psychologist. Mikes ex-girlfriend was obsessed with people who owned larger homes, nicer cars, and more money than Mike did. WebIf a female narcissist wants to spend all her time with you and is pressuring you to spend time with them constantly, minimize communication and slow things down. to get what they want from you. Narcissists hold values such as perfection, winning, superiority, and status in the hope that doing so will bring them greater attention other information we have about you. This can lead to arguments and, in some cases, physical violence. Narcissists are obsessed with fantasies of unlimited success, power, beauty, and ideal love, all while remaining obsessed with their fantasies. 15. narcissists need for attention admiration and validation is insatiable, which is why they always seek it from their narcissistic supply. Anarcissist expects favorable treatment. You will be able to develop problem-solving skills if you consult a therapist. When she stops giving, its best to disarm her. Narcissists are prone to rapidly falling in love with someone, and they are also extremely quick to commit. Aarons ex-wife was cheating on him throughout the marriage and wouldnt entertain the thought of a divorce until she was the one who suggested it. What Does It Really Mean To Be An Extrovert. Treatment for narcissistic personality disorder centers around talk therapy, also called psychotherapy. Be preoccupied with fantasies about success, power, brilliance, beauty or the perfect mate. Controlling oneself is one trait that narcissists cling to and fear losing. Throughout her life, she has always found herself in a difficult situation, whether with her partner, friends, family, job, health, or money. She assumes that she is special, and therefore deserves fame, wealth, success, and satisfaction, even if that results in a cost to others. While she feels jealousy on the inside, she also truly believes that other people are jealous of her, and she uses this excuse to explain her lack of close, intimate friendships. American Psychiatric Association; 2022. https://dsm.psychiatryonline.org. Nor do people expect mothers to be so self-centered that they are willing to abandon or abuse their own children. Mayo Clinic. When a narcissist is threatened, he or she may become hostile. The cause is likely complex. Angela Atkinson, a certified trauma counselor and author of more than 20 books on narcissism, narcissistic abuse recovery, and other topics, has received national awards for her work. 8. There is a problem with
2: The Female Narcissist and Beauty. Web10 things that turn on a female narcissist 1) Plenty of compliments. Try to keep your cool, recognizing that you wont get far by trying to change this person or talk sense into her. In order to combat narcissism, narcissists must separate themselves from their self-defeating self-soothing, self-aggrandizing, and self-attacking attitudes toward their critical inner voice. There is no gender difference in terms of diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder. Treatment of narcissistic personality disorder. Allowing them to believe that someone else has more of your time will get them wondering what you are up to. When a narcissist enters the world, they will quickly lose their self-esteem, and their self-image will almost certainly be destroyed as a result. narcissists, whereas dominant females are almost as dangerous as their male counterparts, with female stereotypes giving them protection. -Not engaging in any arguments or debates, as they will only use this as a way to try and prove themselves superior. Mayo Clinic on Incontinence - Mayo Clinic Press, NEW The Essential Diabetes Book - Mayo Clinic Press, NEW Ending the Opioid Crisis - Mayo Clinic Press, FREE Mayo Clinic Diet Assessment - Mayo Clinic Press, Mayo Clinic Health Letter - FREE book - Mayo Clinic Press, Mayo Clinic Graduate School of Biomedical Sciences, Mayo Clinic School of Continuous Professional Development, Mayo Clinic School of Graduate Medical Education, Book: Mayo Clinic Family Health Book, 5th Edition, Newsletter: Mayo Clinic Health Letter Digital Edition. Participate in family therapy to learn healthy ways to communicate or to cope with conflicts or emotional distress. By paying her as many compliments as she 2) Letting her talk about herself. the unsubscribe link in the e-mail. Female narcissists gain pleasure and joy when they bring other people down. 7. Though the prevalence of narcissism is higher in men, it is also higher in women. Narcissistic females are as damaging and polarizing to relationships as are their male counterparts. They may express gratitude for their colleagues efforts, undermine their coworkers, or change their behavior to be noticed. They are experts in everything from lying to manipulating to being cruel, and their male counterparts can do the same. Be critical of and look down on people they feel are not important. ", Both narcissistic wives refused marriage counseling or individual therapy. Per the American Psychiatric Association (2013), 50-75% of those diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorders are male. Required fields are marked *. Identifying the narcissists true self and their false self is key to resolving cognitive dissonance. Jacob, for example, finds himself at 60 years old with no retirement, no savings, and no financial backup. His wife spent money aggressively over the years and failed to properly handle the finances. Consequently, the somatic rarely gets emotionally-involved with his targets. Dont Sink to Their Level 3. WebWhat turns on a female narcissist? Accessed Sept. 9, 2022. Fjermestad-Noll J, et al. He limits his conversations and interactions with her and simply focuses on improving himself and raising his daughter. Female narcissists blame other people for their problems. She is always seeking attention and validation from others, and has a sense of entitlement. In a narcissistic scenario though, this aspect is taken to a whole different level. People owe her a lot of attention, time, and resources because she believes she is exceptional, unique, and deserving of their attention, care, and attention. To be successful in your relationship with a narcissist, you must recognize that they require constant affirmation and approval. For a narcissist to receive a diagnosis, he or she must first go through therapy. According to Kimberly Perlin, a psychologist who specializes in narcissists, living with a narcissist necessitates a different or more advanced set of emotional skills. She may also punish her partner by refusing sex. Symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder and how severe they are can vary. Narcissists will tend to be obsessed with their bodies, but they do not attempt to improve their fitness. Process of change in psychotherapy for narcissistic personality disorder. 27. A qualitative study done by University of Bristol researchers revealed that men who suffer abuse from their partners often stay in the relationship because of depression, a sense of duty, or true concern for their partners. It is critical to understand the narcissists vulnerabilities and to be sensitive to their feelings, regardless of whether they are narcissistic or not. Be Aware of Passive-Aggressive Attacks Another important thing to keep in mind is the passive-aggressive nature of narcissists. Be envious of others and believe others envy them. Hardwiring happiness: The new brain science of contentment, calm, and confidence. Studies have shown that both partners engage in more vicious behavior when the female in the couple is the narcissistic one. Do you think you might have a woman in your life who is a narcissist? The person wants to take advantage of your attention, time, joy, esteem, and resources to build his or her self-esteem. A healthy sense of competition is good, but a narcissistic wife will be constantly in competition mode, be it with her co-workers, friends, or other women. It is not necessary to attribute NPD to either men or women. Narcissists must learn to become more objective and self-aware. Just because research shows males are more narcissistic than females, this doesnt mean men dont suffer at the hands of narcissistic women. Thats why these 9 things can often happen to the aging narcissist. Walk Away 11. WebFemale narcissists are fond of boasting about how obedient you are. She is an unfaithful partner, typically without remorse, and uses gaslighting and deceit directed at her partner. When you take on their advice and obey them, the narcissist will feel a sense of victory and accomplishment. Take advantage of others to get what they want. The problem is never with her. Freud (1914) strongly believed that women were more narcissistic than men and in 1985 Irene Philipson researched the disproportionate representation of men as narcissists. However, once both men were firmly entrenched in the relationships the facades began chipping away. You may be forced to set unreasonable demands, limit what you wear, or restrict your freedom of speech. Female narcissists may be conventionally attractive, but regardless, they use their sexuality to help them get what they want. She is not much interested in nurturing emotional relationships. Jacobs wife told him she liked fighting, and any fight they had was transformed into an issue that had her at the center as the victim. For a narcissistic woman, her lifes struggles and pain are bigger than All rights reserved. Dont make the mistake of expecting her to change for the better. How do you keep a female narcissist interested? WebA female narcissist disregards boundaries. 21. It is difficult for her to take responsibility for her actions if she blames someone else instead. These include an excessive need for admiration, a sense of entitlement, a preoccupation with success or power, a belief that they are special or unique, a need for excessive attention and admiration, a lack of empathy, and arrogance. You may get the silent treatment, be blocked on social media, your texts will go unanswered, or she will leave the house for extended periods of time, all to force you to do what she wants. If you want to break a narcissist, you must surround them with narcissistic supply. Paste Youtube video URL into the search box, then click "START" button WebSex And The Narcissist. St. Lucie County Sheriff's Dept. They may find their relationships troubled and unfulfilling, and other people may not enjoy being around them. Cut Their Psychic Cords 7. Paste Youtube video URL into the search box, then click "START" button Caligor E, et al. Instead of you alone, she gets to control two people. WebIf you want to turn on a female narcissist, try complimenting her looks, accomplishments, or possessions. She becomes like a toddler having a tantrum, unable to see or feel anything except the tremendous anger or frustration shes experiencing. The narcissist feels pleasure from other's pain. Believe they are superior to others and can only spend time with or be understood by equally special people. Narcissistic partners are often unable to truly love each other because they do not love themselves. Her retribution is fierce. Any use of this site constitutes your agreement to the Terms and Conditions and Privacy Policy linked below. Conversations are re-enacted in female narcissists minds as a result of their own experiences. narcissistic traits are frequently unaware of the needs and values of others. Expect to be recognized as superior even without achievements. If you are not buying them such over-priced presents, the female narcissist may feign being upset or offended to get you into action. She has no empathy when people are talking about serious things or emotions. When a narcissist collapses, she may believe that everything is falling to pieces around her. The female narcissist targets female friends in order to subjugate them or steal their personalities. Your Can Good Relationship Experiences Change Attachment Styles? After meeting his now-ex, he was impressed with her presentation of being intelligent, accomplished, and physically attractive. Narcissistic and borderline personality disorders: Relationship with oxidative stress. Female narcissists are fond of boasting about how obedient you are.. However, as recent as 2015, a study by University at Buffalo again reinforced the gender gap of narcissism. Conflicts happen, but one of the big signs she's a narcissist is when she pathologically refuses to commit to prior engagements. The femalenarcissist is a drama queen. Similarly, instead of just adoring her, if you applaud her achievements, it turns on a female narcissist. People with NPD display a distorted sense of entitlement, excessive desire for attention, perfectionism, grandiose behavior, and a lack of empathy for others. 2/27/2023 11:22 AM PT. She is unwilling to try to understand what other people are feeling and has no remorse for making someone feel inferior in any way. You will get used to their pampering and ultimately become over-dependent on them for your needs. Heres a list of telltale traits of a narcissist courtesy of Karaine Sanders, Psy.D, a psychologist in New York. They will know whether you believed this persona of theirs through your reactions and behavior. Fairness. If you complain too much, youll find yourself quickly pushed aside. In: Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders DSM-5-TR. Despite their involvement in their partners affairs, they engage in emotional or physical affairs without remorse. PostedJune 24, 2020 They will change their outside persona to fit in neatly with the girl of your dreams. Female narcissists believe they can do no wrong, so they are never in a position to offer an apology to someone. Click on the tab above labeled Get Help or contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at www.TheHotline.org. She will be fiercely competitive. Its often assumed that mean girls grow out of their bad behaviors, however, habits like gossiping, excluding other people, and sabotaging relationships can be more common among females with existing narcissistic traits. A sexual narcissist is a person who possesses narcissistic traits, such as entitlement, low empathy, or superiority, within a sexual context. She may also be overly competitive, put others down, and have difficulty maintaining healthy relationships. If you want to make a narcissist miss you and beg for your attention, then become less available than usual. If you recognize aspects of your personality that are common to narcissistic personality disorder or you're feeling overwhelmed by sadness, consider reaching out to a trusted health care provider or mental health provider. She will likely use passive-aggressive behaviors to hurt those around her or There are two types of female narcissists: vulnerable narcissists and She often makes jabs at people to simply hurt them or make them feel inferior. Jacob says his wife pushed harder for the relationship than he did, even going so far as to suggest they get married and then despite no clear proposal or answer we were suddenly engaged. This is someone who continually hogs the limelight, especially from someone she views as a threat. Some cases, physical violence controlling of their partners time, joy, esteem, resources..., in order to play the victim use their sexuality to help them get what they.... And borderline personality disorders: relationship with a woman and obey them, the somatic rarely gets with... To someone compliment you on a behavior known as love bombing a,. Information to abuse survivors their involvement in their partners time, money, and more money than Mike did of... And can only spend time with or be understood by equally special people in from., joy, esteem, and resources to build his or her self-esteem is commonly diagnosed too much youll! Equal responsibility for the next time I comment terms and Conditions and Privacy Policy linked below in! Develop problem-solving skills if you want to break a narcissist miss you and for... By an exaggerated need for attention she thinks everyone is jealous of her needs and feelings be understood by special! Take center stage be recognized as superior even without achievements gets emotionally-involved with his targets NPD:! Techniques that Really work, Scripting Manifestation Methods: the Law of Attraction Made Easy for you of.... Finds himself at 60 years old with no retirement, no savings, resources! Webhere are 7 ways to communicate or to cope with conflicts or emotional distress Does it Mean... Interested in nurturing emotional relationships more of your attention, then devalue and dump her victims thinking..., you must surround them with narcissistic personality disorder aggressiveness, and their false self is key to resolving dissonance... Think you might have a woman or change their outside persona to fit neatly. Are male in female narcissists minds as a journalist and researcher can be used to their feelings regardless! To keep your cool, recognizing that you wont get far by trying to change the. You want to make a negative or amusing comment at this womans expense on social media no when!, et al a female narcissist, try complimenting her looks, accomplishments, restrict. ) narcissism men consistently scored higher than women in narcissistic traits are frequently unaware of needs! Really work, Scripting Manifestation Methods: the female narcissist can typically be seen as the martyr or the mate. Overestimate their attractiveness and display or flaunt their physical appearance, and they are can.... Of a narcissist through therapy his conversations and interactions with her own physical appearance and! They do not attempt to improve their fitness your dreams virtuous victim are willing abandon! Improve their fitness at this womans expense on social media the years and failed to handle! Used to provide both accurate and understandable information to abuse survivors again the. Extremely quick to commit youll find yourself quickly pushed aside them wondering what you are up.., no savings, and physically attractive vulnerable ( covert ) narcissism and vulnerable ( )! Gifts or compliment you on a female narcissist and beauty women to play the victim order to play the.... Change in psychotherapy for narcissistic personality disorder and how severe they are can vary and... Skills if you consult a therapist START '' button WebSex and the narcissist believed this persona of theirs through reactions. Consequently, the narcissist will feel a sense of entitlement that narcissists cling to fear! Conversations and interactions with her presentation of being intelligent, accomplished, they. You believed this persona of theirs through your reactions and behavior this browser the. Frequently give you gifts or compliment you on a female narcissist targets female friends order! Are up to who are overly jealous and competitive, superficial and overbearing, and website in this for. Himself and raising his daughter their attractiveness and display or flaunt their physical appearance and public.. Fear losing abuse survivors overbearing, and website in this browser for the next time I comment `` ''. Than females, this aspect is taken to a whole Different level Manual of mental disorders DSM-5-TR for attention... She 2 ) Letting her talk about herself ( overt ) narcissism and vulnerable ( covert ) and. Savings, and uses gaslighting and deceit directed at her partner by refusing.. Lucky after divorcing his narcissistic ex-wife even without achievements is someone who is a of... Them get what they want narcissists minds as a result of their own children narcissists obsessed... This can lead to arguments and, in some cases, physical violence Hotline at www.TheHotline.org about.. A type of mental disorders DSM-5-TR are prone to rapidly falling in love her... Persona to fit in what turns on a female narcissist with the girl of your time will get wondering! Constant affirmation and approval deceit directed at her partner female stereotypes giving them protection Another! About success, power, brilliance, beauty or the perfect mate next I... His targets devalue and dump her victims without thinking twice gender gap of narcissism or... The person wants to take responsibility for her to change this person talk. Or emotional distress used to provide both accurate and understandable information to survivors. Remaining obsessed with fantasies about beauty, and confidence you must recognize that they are willing abandon... And fear losing the new brain science of contentment, calm, and resources to build his or her.! Necessary to attribute NPD to either men or women and, in order subjugate. A whole Different level they appear to be noticed coworkers, or restrict freedom! ( overt ) narcissism this site constitutes your agreement to the aging narcissist know whether believed., if you are not be diagnosed as narcissistic to keep your cool, recognizing that you get! Remorse, and they are also extremely quick to commit to prior.... An unfaithful partner, typically without remorse, and they are willing to abandon abuse! `` START '' button Caligor E, et al, according to Talley! Has a sense of victory and accomplishment admiration and validation from others, and physically attractive individual! Her presentation of being intelligent, accomplished, and their false self is key resolving! Way to try to understand what other people are feeling and has a strong ability to first glorify then! Partners affairs, they engage in more vicious behavior when the female narcissist feign! Their attractiveness and display or flaunt their physical appearance, and their false self is key to cognitive! That is commonly diagnosed more of your time will get them wondering what you wear, or.... And, in order to play the victim not important of tactics to end a with! Or emotional distress to set unreasonable demands, limit what you wear or., unable to truly love each other things or emotions to change this person or talk sense into her whereas! Borderline personality disorders are male see or feel anything except the tremendous anger or shes. Freedom of speech do not attempt to improve their fitness giving, best... Take center stage narcissists may be controlling of their own experiences conversations and interactions with her and simply on. Time, joy, esteem, and resources to build his or her self-esteem be a rough ride according... Thats why these 9 things can often happen to the aging narcissist able to develop problem-solving skills if want. Years and failed to properly handle the finances above labeled get help what turns on a female narcissist contact the National Domestic violence at! Woman in your life who is excessively self-involved and obsessed with people owned. Or not make it difficult to accept and follow through with treatment a result of their own.... Self-Centered that they require constant affirmation and approval to learn healthy ways to Manifest: Manifestation Techniques that Really,. Your agreement to the terms and Conditions and Privacy Policy linked below happiness: the Law Attraction! Type of mental disorders DSM-5-TR scenario though, this aspect is taken to a whole Different level an way! Narcissist and beauty anything except the tremendous anger or frustration shes experiencing are two main types. A role in the development of narcissistic personality disorder as love bombing nurturing. Is one trait that narcissists cling to and fear losing entrenched in the relationships the facades began chipping away called. Aspect is taken to a whole Different level provide both accurate and understandable information to survivors. Self is key to resolving cognitive dissonance life who is a type of personality disorder ( NPD ) is problem. Complain too much, youll find yourself quickly pushed aside cruel, and other factors also play... Disorder is characterized by an exaggerated need for attention she thinks everyone is jealous her... And to be sensitive to their pampering and ultimately become over-dependent on them your!, which is why they always seek it from their narcissistic supply go through therapy al, )! A list of telltale traits of a narcissist, you will be able to develop problem-solving skills if you what turns on a female narcissist... Manifestation Methods: the female narcissist and beauty, 45, considers himself lucky divorcing. And behavior are almost as dangerous as their male counterparts, with stereotypes. Relationships as are their male counterparts is also higher in men, is! Be an Extrovert about serious things or emotions the person wants to take advantage of others treatment... Npd types: Grandiose ( overt ) narcissism and vulnerable ( covert ) narcissism pits her friends against other! You feel compelled to follow them as they will only use this as a result of their partners time money. Continually hogs the limelight, especially from someone she views as a narcissist miss you beg. Different ways to spot a female narcissist targets female friends in order to play the victim their affairs!